MYTHS ABOUT AGING AND ROMANCE
W. L. from Beaumont, Texas:
I'm 67, and I'm so tired of hearing on some of the other senior websites all the old fart jokes and over-the-hill
stories. I don't feel old, and my friends who are even older than I am don't feel that way either. My girlfriend and I
enjoy sex as much or more than ever. So why are there so many myths being printed about aging and romance?
Jeoffrey and Renée:
Great question! You nailed the reason why we started FirePointe.com.
Undoubtedly, you have heard all the myths about aging and intimacy.
The problem is that seniors aren’t playing by the rules anymore. They have
learned that myths are…well, myths. "Boomers and Beyond," 78-million strong,
have burst onto the Senior scene, after a lifetime of questioning everything
they have heard. Plus, as longevity continues to go up, more and more people
are simply expecting to thoroughly enjoy all those extra years. The rocking chair
has been replaced with skiing, skydiving, surfing and sex, though probably not
in that order.
Yes, there are changes for men and changes for women as they grow older, but
they don't have to live by the old myths stereotypes. Read on...
DEVOUT PEOPLE HAVE BETTER SEX?
J.Y. from Manado, Indonesia:
I read somewhere recently that people of faith have better sex. That certainly isn't what our popular culture and
the mainstream media projects. They seem to scoff at the idea of monogamy, long-term marriage and a family's
foundation built on faith. I'm intrigued. What has your research shown? And does this only pertain to people who
Jeoffrey and Renée:
"Devout, married Catholics have the best sex of any demographic group, the Family Research Council said at an
event Wednesday, pointing to a collection of studies from the last several decades."
So read a recent article that was picked up around the world. Read beyond the headlines and first paragraph.
Quoting from that story: "The socially conservative Christian group relied heavily on statistics from the University
of Chicago's last National Health and Social Life Survey, conducted in 1992, which found the most enjoyable and
most frequent sex occurring among married people, those who attended church weekly – any church, whether
Catholic or not – and people who had the least sexual partners."
The good news is that the statistics, based in part on the University of Chicago's National Health and Social Life
Survey, found that the most enjoyable and most frequent sex occurred among married people, those who
attended church weekly and people who had the least sexual partners.
Unfortunately, the story was inaccurate on one basic point. The Family Research Council's information was
presented at an event hosted with the Center for the Advancement of Catholic Higher Education. However, the
headline about "devout, married Catholics have the best sex of any demographic group" was a gross inaccuracy.
People who were at the event quickly hit the blogs and news services to correct the misinformation - to say that
the talk was not about Catholics having better sex, but It was about people of faith having better sex, not one
One person blogged: "As an attendee at said event, the talk was not about Catholics having better sex. The talk
addressed how those who worship more frequently (regardless of their religious denomination) and who come
from intact married families rank higher their sexual satisfaction. Whether you agree with the conclusions of the
talk or not, your news service should at least try to report accurately and honestly instead of writing misleading
headlines and taglines. To frame this talk as one solely about Catholicism and sex is grossly misleading and
distracts from a discussion of the data itself regarding the impact of religiosity and pornography on the good of
society. You yourself even mention in the article that it includes groups other than Catholics, so then the headline
is even more obviously inaccurate representation of the talk. Apparently writing about great sex and Catholics is
of more interest to you than honestly relating the major points of the lecture which concerned the deleterious
effects of pornography on family and individual life in America. So regardless of where you stand, this lack of
journalistic integrity should be disappointing."
Bottom line: If you are a person of faith, attend church weekly (regardless
of denomination) and have had the least sexual partners, you are likely to
have the most enjoyable and most frequent sex, according to the FRC
For a long time we have said that trust is the best aphrodisiacs of all.
Trust comes with time. Ideally, trust is built upon a strong foundation of
faith and a monogamous relationship.
This is a theme that we've heard again and again among the most
romantic, sensual people we've ever interviewed. It's a quality that comes
through loud and clear in most of the stories found in each Seasoned
K.I. from City and State Withheld by Request:
I still enjoy sex very much. I'm 86 and have been a widower for 15 years. I have two girlfriends in my hometown
who still seem to enjoy being with me. One of them is in her 70s. The other is in her 80s. I don't pay either of them
for sex, and even though I'm well-off, they are both more well-heeled than I am. In other words, none of us are into
sex because of any financial expectations from each other. As the young people call it today, we are simply friends
By the way, both women know about the other and don't seem to have a problem with it. We are all just friends
who have known each other for quite a while, and now that our spouses are gone, we simply enjoy getting
together a time or two each month to kick up our heels a bit. (One at a time, of course, although the thought of
having both of them in bed with me seems very exciting, even for a guy my age!)
I might also add that each of us are in pretty good shape. We all go to the same fitness classes several times a
week, and have been doing so for a couple of decades. We all belong to the same country club, and sometimes
get together for tennis or golf. I've also taken vacations with each of them on occasion and had lovely times
enjoying each other's company at nice resorts.
Here's my question: I keep hearing that most older adults are not interested in or able to have enjoyable sex. I find
that hard to believe, especially in my situation.
Jeoffrey and Renée:
Great question! You nailed one of the biggest myths about aging and sex.
Surveys that we have conducted and many other studies regularly show that of adults ages 50-59, 93-percent of
women and 98-percent of men are sexually active (including sex with a partner and/or self-pleasuring). Those
numbers are 81-percent for women and 91-percent for men among ages 60-69. For ages 70 and over, these
studies report 65-percent of women and 79-percent of men remain sexually active.
Those numbers, by age groups, reporting sexual activity at least once a week (again, either with a partner or self-
pleasuring), are 73-, 63- and 50-percent for women and 90-, 73- and 58-percent for men.
Those who are sexually active who report a high level of sexual enjoyment, by the same age groups, are 71-, 65-
and 61-percent for women and 90-, 86- and 75-percent for men.
You are not alone. The fact is that most older adults are interested in sex, and many lead active sex lives and
enjoy sexual activity.
OLDER PEOPLE AND SEX
L.R. from Liberal, Kansas:
Is it true that older people don’t need or want sex anymore?
Jeoffrey and Renée:
So much research has surfaced during the past ten years that completely dispels this myth. One, reported by the
BBC, mentioned that frisky seniors actually spend more time making love than young people. The reports from a
UK-wide survey discovered that nearly half of men and women over 65 reported that their sex sessions took up
more than two hours a week. By contrast, only 1 in 6 in the age 16-25 age group and fewer than 26% of all 25-64
year olds could match that amount of time.
Boffo for those British Seasoned Seniors! Likewise, we interview men and women all the time who may have
blown out 70 or 80 candles on their last birthday cakes, but they act and feel 30 years younger in all areas of their
lives, including sex. Granted, intimacy changes as our bodies change. You weren’t the same at 40 that you were at
20, so why would you be the same at 60 or 80 or 90? Still, our research among men and women over fifty shows
conclusively that a majority of Seasoned Seniors are still interested in sex. Most are quite capable of intimacy.
Best of all, they enjoy it. Many often say that it actually gets better as they get older and have more time to devote
to sex. Some say it gets a lot better. And we won’t even tell you about the 80-plus couple we recently interviewed
for a book project—you would blush!
USE IT OR LOSE IT?
Name and City Withheld by Request:
I'm 81 and my girlfriend is 68. We've been dating for a couple of months. When we're together, I feel all the old
stirrings. I know that it's possible for me to get an erection and have an ejaculation, since I've pleasured myself
occasionally during the past four years since my wife passed. But is it possible for a guy my age to make
"whoopie" and keep a younger woman satisfied. We've discussed it some, and I think both of us would be okay
with pleasuring each other even if we can't have intercourse. I guess I'm mainly asking if you either use it or lose
Jeoffrey and Renée:
So many older people who haven’t had intercourse for awhile have fallen prey to the use-it-or-lose-it myth. Tell
that to the men and women that we interview. There have been many of them who, for many different reasons,
haven’t had an active sex life for years, yet they become very involved again romantically.
One 65-year-old couple we met had been married for years. Everyone believed they had an ideal marriage, yet
because of several misunderstandings and the belief that they shouldn’t be as interested in “it” anymore, had not
been intimate for nearly two decades. They slept in the same bed, dressed in the same bedroom, and spent time
every day together acting like the normal married couple, yet they built up such a wall of silence and resentment
that they never even touched each other. Still, because of their children and grandchildren, and because they
were pillars of the community, they stayed together. Sadly, they actually started believing that they were
completely normal and that sex was over-rated for older people.
Finally, nearly two years ago, a marriage-relationship weekend at their church caused them to begin breaking
down some walls. Additional counseling helped immensely. Finally, one night they got very honest, and made a
conscious decision to begin trying to see if they still had any romantic feelings for each other. They were
counseled to avoid pressure to perform sexually, but to spend several days talking, touching, massaging, and
“wooing” each other. Within a week that moved from embarrassed touching to passionate caresses, they finally
had sexual intercourse for the first time in over 20 years. They expressed surprise at how fulfilling it was, even
though they didn’t have all the fireworks they might have experienced when they first got married.
Two years later, they are still working on being more romantic and understanding, but they long ago decided that
continuing to tear down the walls that existed so long was definitely worth the growing pains. Today, they look the
same on the outside, but they are completely different people on the inside. And we could give you example after
example of men, women and couples who have smashed this myth to smithereens.
We hope you do, too! We look forward to hearing about your adventure in the future.
NOT AS GOOD?
K.M. from Liverpool, England:
Sometimes I wonder if sex is really worth it anymore. I don't think it feel as good as when I was younger. Do you
hear this comment from other men and women my age?
Jeoffrey and Renée:
We do often hear the not-as-good idea quite often. Nobody but you can answer whether sex is really worth it
anymore, but let us encourage you by telling you that many, many people your age and older decide that it is, even
if it does sometimes feel different.
Our sense of smell, taste and sight may also decline, but that doesn’t mean that you can’t enjoy smelling, tasting
and seeing anymore. Yes, your sense of touch and your sexual urges may change with age, but the largest and
most effective sex organ in your entire body is your brain, not your penis or vagina.
Sex feels different as you age, but so what? Enjoy it with all the gusto you can muster. Do whatever you can—
through a fitness and wellness program—to get your body to become the best it can be. You may be surprised at
how good “it” feels when you feel better about yourself. And you feel better about yourself when you are making
positive lifestyle choices.
We have interviewed many seniors through the years, and you would not believe how many are surprised that sex
is sometimes even better than before.
D.C. from (City Withheld by Request):
I can't tell you how many times I've heard all the jokes and inferences that imply that older guys like me are foolish
to think they can get it on anymore. I can't say that all the "plumbing" works exactly like it did when I was younger,
but I've enjoyed either intercourse or self-pleasuring at least twice a week for many years. Maybe I should
mention that I'm 86.
Jeoffrey and Renée:
Kudos to you for refusing to listen to people who are often wrong, certainly in your case. Much research shows
that sex drive for both men and women may diminish with age, depending upon many factors that include
genetics, lifestyle, fitness, availability and willingness of a partner.
Erectile dysfunction can sometimes be a problem for men of any age, especially as you mature. Your penis may
never be as stiff as it was when you were eighteen. And perhaps what caused a rod between your legs took just a
glance or two when you were 20 may now may take more stimuli and foreplay.
But Seasoned Seniors can learn new skills. There are great ways to make love that don’t require you to be rock-
hard for penetration and very satisfying intercourse. The side-by-side or edge-of-the-bed are two great positions,
and either can work well even if either of you have some physical challenges. Oral sex may be a viable and even
preferable alternative if you have physical limitations.
We have interviewed many men who are “cured” from performance anxiety just by realizing that they don’t have to
be perfect. When the pressure is off and both lovers are patient, amazing things can happen.
So refuse to listen to the nay-sayers and keep on rocking!
HERE'S LOOKING AT YOU, KID!
H.S. from (City Withheld by Request),Canada:
Both my husband and I are 74. We've been married to each other (second marriages
for both of us) for the past five years. I love looking at that man, especially when he's
undressing, and he seems to get turned on from looking at me under the same
circumstances. Neither of us have perfect bodies, but it doesn't seem to matter. Still, I
sometimes hear things from friends and acquaintances, even at the beauty parlor,
that many older people just aren’t attractive to each other anymore. Do you find that
to be true?
Jeoffrey and Renée:
Tell that to the older guys chasing the gray-haired girls (or vice-versa). Beauty is all in
the eyes of the beholder, and when it comes to sex, a lover is attractive, no matter
what age she or he may be.
There’s something about the ageless sexual drive in humans that transcends what
other people consider to be attractive. It may surprise you to discover that we have
found that often the most sexually active and satisfied men and women of all ages
aren’t the most attractive in the world’s eyes.
In the end, the only eyes that matter are his and hers when they are caught up in
mutual passion. In fact, age is a great turn-on to a mature lover, for age often brings
experience, expertise and trust—three of the wonderful aphrodisiacs in the world!
NOT WORTH THE EFFORT
O.R. from Boston, Massachusetts:
My husband of 53 years has changed quite a bit in the past three or four years. He's fit, attractive and has gone
through each of his yearly physical examinations with flying colors. But when it comes to sex, he says, "It’s just not
worth the effort." What do you make of that?
Jeoffrey and Renée:
It could mean many things, and only if he is willing to communicate the reasons for nixing sex can you begin to
reach any kind of mutual understanding. That understanding can sometimes be accelerated through counseling.
In our research, we have seen many people like your husband who say "It's just not worth the effort," often use
this off-hand comment as a smokescreen for the fact that they are embarrassed at being unable to perform or
respond as well as they used to.
Here’s a fact for men: You will have times when you can’t get a full erection, and there are other times that you
may be able to get an erection, yet still don’t have an ejaculation.
Here’s a fact for women: You may not always feel as aroused as you do other times, and you may not always reach
a climax, either with clitoral stimulation or vaginal penetration. It’s okay.
Mature lovers realize this and enjoy the time together, no matter whether there are fireworks or not. If you
absolutely, positively must have a mind-blowing climax every time you have sex, you are going to be disappointed,
no matter how old you are. Seasoned romantics learn to find great satisfaction in lots of foreplay, penetration if it
happens, and climaxes if they happen. When you reach that point in your intimate relationship, you may be
surprised at how much better everything works.
Don’t give up! Talk about your feelings. Be open about the fact that the plumbing doesn’t always work perfectly.
Then enjoy the lovemaking process, no matter where it leads.
R.R. from Portland, Oregon:
I'm 71, and when my wife and I make love, she seems to enjoy it as much as ever, but for me the fireworks simply
aren't there anymore. It feels good being with her, but it's not like the old days with great erections and pulsating
ejaculations. I'm beginning to think that it's like the old Merle Haggard song that asks, "Are the good times really
over for good?"
Jeoffrey and Renée:
Notice that the Haggard song, after asking that question several times during the song, ends by answering, "The
best of the free life is still yet to come...the good times ain't over for good."
Granted, older men often notice that both the volume and force of ejaculation begins to decrease slightly at age
40 or 50. Likewise, some women have less sensation in their clitoral area and vagina after they reach menopause.
Still, with practice and skill, you can learn to enjoy intimacy at any age. And skill means never putting blame on
yourself or your lover when things change.
So many women we have interviewed seem incredibly relieved when they find out that less volume and force of
semen comes with age, for many of them believed that their man simply wasn’t enjoying it (or them) as much as
Men, on the other hand, often are very relieved to discover that the lack of violent orgasms on a woman’s part is
no direct reflection on their lovemaking skills. When men and women learn that slightly diminished orgasms (or
sometimes the lack of them) are normal, they can be liberated to enjoy whatever happens.
Some self-centered men and women, on the other hand, cannot accept the changes, and they continue their Don
Quixote-like quests which inevitably lead to unsatisfying relationships and loneliness. Who needs that?
Take the fireworks however they happen. Keep developing your lovemaking skills, no matter what age you are.
Practice lots of manual and oral stimulation, and keep practicing. And learn to trust each other more, for trust is
the ultimate aphrodisiac.
IMPOSSIBLE FOR OLDER PEOPLE TO HAVE GOOD SEX?
Name, City and State Withheld by Request:
I'm a 81 year old woman. My husband and I still have pretty good intercourse at least a couple of times a month,
and we sometimes do the 69 to each other on several more occasions during the month. Usually it's very fulfilling
and we're able to go over the top. Sometimes not, but even if one or both of us doesn't have a climax, it still feels
great anyway. That's why I'm sort of distressed because I read somewhere that women my age simply dry up and
lose shape as they get older, which makes it impossible to have good vaginal sex. Mine seems to be working fine.
Jeoffrey and Renée:
We have interviewed lots of men and women who believe that vaginal changes are both inevitable and un-fixable.
Wrong! And double-wrong!
Granted, some physical changes naturally occur in women over fifty that can impact the desire and capability for
intimacy. Estrogen, the female hormone, declines during and after menopause. And it is completely normal for an
older women’s vagina to decrease somewhat in elasticity, length, width, reactivity and response. Less estrogen
and smaller size often translates into dryness, which can cause intercourse to be painful.
Maybe that was a problem in the Dark Ages before creams and lubrications (such as KY Jelly, Astroglide or a
zillion others brands) were so readily available. If problems persist, check with your qualified health practitioner.
The great reality is that men and women who spend more time with foreplay and who learn to use a variety of
pleasurable skills and lubrications can have a very, very satisfying sex life well into their 60, 70s, 80s and even
90s. It just takes a mutual desire to grow, mature and learn together, and it sounds like you and your husband are
wonderful examples of what seasoned romance can be!
IF LIFE HANDS YOU A LEMON...
D.T. from Rockwall, Texas:
My wife and I are both in our late seventies, and while we still have a fairly active sex life that involves lots of
petting, oral sex and intercourse, we've both also increasingly realized that old age always seems to bring an
onset of physical challenges which seem to kill the desire and ability for lovemaking. We don't ever want to stop
having sex, but since we have no one among family or friends to ask about this, we're trusting you. Is it possible
to have a good sex life even into our eighties and maybe even beyond?
Jeoffrey and Renée:
Any age brings challenges. Granted, creaky joints and achy muscles don’t make intimacy as racy as it was when
you were younger. The reality is that sometimes older people have knees that don’t work well, hip-replacement
surgeries, and variety of other problems that seem to stop sexual urges in their tracks. Remember the old saying—
“If life hands you a lemon, start making lemonade.”
If your lover becomes less mobile, find ways to please him or her in other ways. You’ve got a mouth, a tongue, and
fingers. Try some sexual toys. You can still whisper sweet nothings. We recently interviewed a 75 (him) and 67
(her) year old couple that faced more problems that you or I could imagine, including problems inside the woman’s
vagina that simply made intercourse too painful. They were amazing and inspiring, for they learned brand-new
lovemaking skills that they would have never considered before. She set aside lots of preconceptions and
became very skillful at pleasuring him orally. He invested in several vibrators, massagers and toys that gave her
maximum pleasure with minimum penetration. Even as her vagina situation has improved, they have found that
they generally enjoy the other things as much (and often-times more) than vaginal penetration with his penis.
Rock on with the lemonade, indeed!
ROCK AND ROLL ALL NIGHT LONG?
W. L. from Beaumont, Texas:
I'm 66. My wife is two years younger. We used to be able to rock and roll all night long The law of diminishing returns, so to speak, usually continues as a man gets older. However, a mature lover learns
at least two or three times a week, sometimes two or three times each night. We were
able to do that through most of our forties and fifties. Now we're down to two or three
times a week. Once in a while, especially if it's been a few days, I can still shoot off
twice. What's wrong? I feel less virile when I can't get it up as often as I used to.
Jeoffrey and Renée:
Are you kidding? We are taking your word at face value, but you have to understand
how unusual it is to have sex two or three times a night at least two or three times a
week most of your fifties! You also need to realize that two or three times a week at
66 and 64 is above the average, especially if you are able to ejaculate more than once
during any of those times.
But you also have to understand that even highly sexed individuals must deal with
the fact of a “refractory period,” or the time from one ejaculation to another erection,
gets longer as a man ages. It’s also a fact of life that most of us can’t run as fast, jump
as high or work as hard as we did years ago.
Although some men your age or older may be able to have sex more than once on
special occasions, but most men even at 50 require 12-24 hours or more before he (a)
is even interested in intercourse again or (b) gets another erection.
to make the most of whatever happens, and whatever happens can still be great. It's not a time for keeping score.
Remember the old saying about sex: “When it’s good, it’s very, very good; and when it’s bad, it’s still good.”
Get rid of the pressure (and the unrealistic expectations) of trying to be 18 again (or in your case, 55!). And, while
it's not a contest about quantity, count your blessings and enjoy!
A NOTE TO ALL ABOUT MYTHS AND AGING:
Myths about sexuality among seasoned seniors need not control you.
Why should we accept these barriers that make it difficult, if not impossible, to enjoy sexual intimacy, no matter
what age a person is? Why not see each romantic opportunity as a wonderful gift?
Why not get rid of the man-made monuments that keep you embarrassed, worried, guilt-ridden, or useless.
Break down those myths.
Being a great lover is not a matter of being
incredibly endowed, having Casanova-like
techniques, or being Superman or Superwoman in
bed. If being perfect were a prerequisite, all of us
would be destroyed by our inadequacies.
Instead, Seasoned Romance lovers know that a
fulfilling sex life is the result of a committed,
loving, caring, trusting relationship, not the cause
Here are a dozen ways to move away from the
myths and to speed you in the right direction
toward the best possible relationships:
- Find creative ways to tell your lover how attractive and wonderful he or she is, as well as what you like about
who he/she is and how he/she makes you feel. (You can’t say these things enough.)
- Be open about the fact that you and your lover aren’t always interested in intimacy at the same time or at the
same level. Discuss the differences. Compromise. Enjoy those compromises. And be understanding when
he or she isn’t as interested at the same exact moment you are.
- As often as possible, take double the time for foreplay that you usually take. Anticipation is half the fun.
- Don’t make penetration and a mutual climax into mileposts that must always be reached, or else! Older
lovers with older bodies learn to be very satisfied with whatever happens and find fulfillment, even when
they don’t have intercourse or a grinding orgasm. There are lots of other ways to make love. Discover them
- Find ways to be romantic, even if it means doing things that get you out of your comfort zones (translation:
ruts). Guys, you can’t go wrong with flowers, kind words, helping in the kitchen, rose petals in the bed—just
like they used to do in the movies. Girls, the guy still thinks he’s 18—stroke his ego (and anything else that
needs stroked). Linger over a candlelight dinner looking into each other’s eyes. Read her a poem. Drizzle
chocolate over his or her favorite body parts and enjoy the calories. Be romantic! The payoff, once you learn
this, can last a lifetime.
- Try some new alternatives in your lovemaking. Get out of the comfortable ruts. If you always make love one
way, do it another way. Read some books on the subject. Learn how to bring pleasure to your lover in
extraordinary and surprising fashion. Be imaginative. Be open to new things. Ask for what makes you feel
good. Don’t get upset if he or she is reluctant. Enjoy the process. And be patient.
- Stay away from hardcore pornography. Airbrushed, handpicked models faking awed attraction and
seismographic orgasms are not only incredibly unrealistic, but they also open you and your spouse to
outside influences that tend to break down the trust and intimacy necessary for a long-term relationship.
Our research and interviews have shown us that a number of negative things happen nearly every time
hardcore pornography is introduced into a relationship, far outweighing any so-called positives. This is
especially important to remember in a day when graphic pornography is available to anyone with a mailbox,
Internet or access to a convenience store. There are lots of great books and videos available that can
educate and inspire you to be a wonderful, masterful lover—without the graphic, unrealistic pornography
where every woman is a fit nymphomaniac and every guy can stay incredibly stiff for hours until he pumps an
incredible amount of semen for the inevitable close-up camera shots. Seriously?
- Focus on your lover’s pleasure, not your own. You may be surprised at what you discover when you learn to
ask what your spouse likes (especially when you try it).
- Men, spend lots of time after your own orgasm making her feel very special. Talk to her. Touch her. Caress
her. Kiss her. Do you get the point? All of those things are different from rolling over and going to sleep.
And better! Special time with her after you are sated is like putting money in the savings account for future
lovemaking sessions. You’re going to love the compound interest!
- Be open to the possibility that intimacy can get better and better with age, no matter what the myth-makers
say. Believe it. Plan for it. Make lifestyle and fitness choices that heighten your chances for better
- Don’t forget the spiritual part of your relationship. True intimacy must be built on the foundation and
realization that you and your spouse were brought together by God for a specific purpose. The longer we
live and the more we study human relationships, the more we realize that no true love exists without Him. Be
thankful for every thing He gives you, especially the incredible gift of intimacy and romance. And don’t be
afraid to say it out-loud. Together. To Him.
- And keep coming back to FirePointe.com. We’ll keep breaking down the myths, sharing our research and
giving lots of homework for you to do!
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|My Question...Seasoned Answers
DO OLDER PEOPLE REALLY DO IT?
K.M. from Bakersfield, California:
I'm a 45 year old male who has read with interest your Seasoned Romance books. One thing I've really enjoyed is
learning so much from older, more experienced couples who have learned things that sometimes I think people
my age and younger don't have a clue about.
My only question is, do older people really do it as much as the studies say? More to the point, does it really feel
as good when you are older?
I really hope the answer is yes to both, since it gives me a lot of hope of enjoying sex to a ripe old age. I just
don't want it to be a false hope.
Jeoffrey and Renée:
Younger people, for whatever reason, often have trouble with lots of seasoned seniors having sex.
"Somehow," a 35 year old guy wrote us recently, "it just doesn't seem likely to think that my grandparents are
still grooving between the sheets."
Well, study after study clearly indicates that older people are having sex, and those who do often report that it is
much more fulfilling during the so-called golden years.
One recent medical study in Australia even cites the fact that one in five men over 100 still consider sex
important to their lives.
That's right, many older men and women are "rolling in the hay," as some used to call "it" back in the good old
Our own studies through the years have included interviews with numerous men
and women over 90 and some even over 100 who spoke candidly of "gettin' it on."
Many many still ejaculate semen, though the amounts are generally less than the
average 10 ccs when they were younger, and both men and women talk about
enjoying pleasant climaxes many times during sex.
"It may not be fireworks like it was when I was twenty or thirty," one
gentleman from Japan wrote, "but it feels very good. Maybe it's more fulfilling
these days because I appreciate it so much."
Granted, there are medical and physical challenges to older people who desire to
stay sexually active.
So as you read these worlds, literally thousands of elderly men and women are doing it around the world.
Even so, it happens, and it happens more than most younger people would believe. In fact, the same study
shows that nearly have of all men and women, even those over 100, want more sex and intimacy than their aging
So, yes, not only are Grandma and Grandpa doing "it," but Great-Grandma and Great-Grandpa are likely, to use
some of the vintage terms we have heard from seasoned lovers, "shootin' for the moon," "mattress dancing,"
"churning butter," "roasting the broomstick" and, one of our all-time favorite oldie-but-goodie terms that we
first heard from a Kentucky couple in their 90s, "playin' the feather bed jig."