SLIP SLIDIN' AWAY
S.A. from (City Withheld by Request) New Zealand:
My husband and I are both in or early 60s, and we are still madly in love after 40-plus years of marriage. I'm too
embarrassed to ask anyone I know about this, including my family doctor. Frankly, since you are far away, you can't
see my red face as I write these words, but I need some answers.
When I was younger, I used to have lots of liquid when we started getting
excited together. He used to joke about the old Paul Simon song, "Slip
Slidin' Away," and it was glorious when he went inside. Everything felt so
perfect in every way and I was crazy about making love to that man.
The past few years, it's seemed as if everything has gotten dry, not just on
the surface, but also deep inside. Where it used to feel so great that I
sometimes started going off almost immediately when he went inside, now
it actually hurts.
We've tried petroleum jelly, but nothing seems as satisfying as when it
was all natural. At least it doesn't hurt, but it's kind of gooey and messy.
Am I making too much of nothing? Is the lack of lubrication simply a part of
growing older, and I should just be grateful that he and I can still go hard
and heavy as often as we do?
And, yes, my face is still red as I sign off.
Jeoffrey and Renée:
You aren't making too much of nothing, nor should your face be red. You share something with virtually every
woman on Planet Earth.
Estrogen naturally keeps the vagina moist and to maintain thickness of the vaginal lining, but when the ovaries
begin producing less estrogen, vaginal dryness (also called atrophic vaginitis) occurs when the ovaries produce
a decreased amount of estrogen. This can occur to different degrees at various times in a woman's life. After
having a baby, especially with breastfeeding, when using certain medications (including antihistamines and
antidepressants), times of stress (who doesn't experience that?), during yeast infections or while going through
chemotherapy or radiation therapy, dryness is often temporary but troubling, nonetheless.
However, after surgical removal of the ovaries and certainly at the time of menopause, the condition often
becomes permanent. (By the way, women who smoke cigarettes have been shown to have an increased risk of an
earlier menopause transition as compared to non-smokers.)
Following menopause, women generally find that their vaginas are less self-lubricated during sexual arousal than
they were prior to beginning menopause. Sometimes vaginas are also less flexible. Less lubrication and flexibility
during vaginal intercourse naturally causes discomfort and even pain.
There are two treatment options for women with vaginal dryness:
1. VAGINAL MOISTURIZERS AND LUBRICANTS
All vaginal dryness treatments can generally be purchased with a prescription. All work temporarily. They
don't contain hormones and side effects are minimal.
Vaginal moisturizes (such as Vagisil, Moist Again and Replens) are
formulated to allow water to be retained in the vaginal tissues.
Moisturizers are usually applied into the vagina three times weekly to
allow a continued moisturizing effect, but additional lubricants should be
used prior to having sex to reduce friction and discomfort during vaginal
intercourse. By the way, care should be taken if hand or body lotions are
used for vaginal dryness, since some can be irritating to the vaginal
There are three general types of lubricants used for sex - natural
products, oil-based lubricants and water-based lubricants.
Through the years, people have used natural products such as olive oil,
avocado oil and even peanut oil because they were readily available. They
work well, but should not be used with latex condoms or diaphragms. The
same goes for oil-based lubricants such as the petroleum jelly you
mentioned, as well as baby oil or mineral oil, which can damage latex
condoms or diaphragms. These oils can damage the latex, potentially
causing spillage of semen.
Lubricants that are water- or silicone-based (K-Y, Astroglide are examples) can be used with latex birth
control products and are often preferred for the silkiness and ease of use.
2. VAGINAL ESTROGEN
Very low doses of vaginal estrogen can be used to treat vaginal dryness, and this method is generally
considered to be the most effective treatment option for women with vaginal dryness. Vaginal estrogen,
however, must be prescribed by a healthcare provider and directions carefully followed.
Unlike earlier days when estrogen pills or tablets were used, only a small amount of estrogen absorbed into
the bloodstream, therefore resulting in a much lower risk of side effects. Vaginal estrogen is thought to be
safe and can probably be used indefinitely, although there are no long-term studies confirming its safety.
Check with your healthcare provider for your risk of any and all side effects.
There are several types of vaginal estrogen products are available:
- Estrogen cream (Estrace cream and Premarin are examples) is inserted into the vagina every day for
two to three weeks, and then one or two times weekly.
- A small vaginal estrogen tablet (Vagifem) is packaged in a disposable applicator and is typically
inserted inside the vagina generally every day for two weeks and then twice weekly.
- The flexible plastic vaginal estrogen ring (Estring) is designed to be worn inside the vagina all the
time, usually replaced every three months by the either the user or a healthcare provider. The ring
does not need to be removed during sex or bathing, and it cannot be felt by most women or a sexual
partner. (By the way, Estring should not be confused with Femring, the estrogen replacement vaginal
ring which is used to relieve hot flashes by releasing a much higher dose of estrogen).
Vaginal estrogen usually improves vaginal dryness quickly in a few days or weeks.One special note that will be good news to both you and your husband, with your choice of vaginal lubricants,
moisterizers and estrogen, you may continue to have sex. In fact, intercourse is often considered helpful in
keeping vaginal tissues healthy and flexible. Sexual activity (including self-pleasuring) can be very helpful in
keeping vaginal tissues soft, pliable and stretchable, as well as helping to prevent the shrinkage of these tissues.
The lubricant of your choice can be applied to either you, your husband or both! Best of all, crank up "Slip Slidin'
Away" on your stereo and enjoy the ride!
OLD FASHIONED SOLUTION TO AN AGE-OLD PROBLEM
O. S. from Lincoln, Nebraska:
I am a 82 year old woman. My husband is a young kid of 79. We are loving Seasoned Romance, Book 1. I still can't
believe how much we've learned from it, and Guenther's story really appealed to both of us. Many times in the
book and on this website, you talk about the importance of lubrication. How well I know that fact. It almost killed
our love life when I was going through menopause. Back then we didn't have access to the internet, and at that
point we lived `way out in the country on our farm. One day I mentioned to a dear older neighbor lady that I was
going through "the change," and the first thing she said was, "Get a bottle of Corn Huskers Lotion." We used it all
the time for the chapped skin you get during the cold winters and hot summers on a Nebraska farm. It's been
around for longer than I can remember. She said, "Use it down below when he wants to get frisky. Put it inside
you. Put it on him. It's the best thing yet." Needless to say, I was a bit shocked to hear her saying that. At that time
she and her husband were both in their 80s. I didn't even know that people that old did "it." Sure enough, the next
time we "got frisky," as she called it, we used Corn Huskers, and it felt absolutely wonderful. It sure beat the
petroleum jelly we had been using. We've tried other things since then, but nothing works quite as well for us, at
least. It doesn't cost much, provides great moisture and isn't sticky afterward. What do you think of this old-
Jeoffrey and Renée:
Help is where you find it. As with all products, we suggest checking with manufacturers recommendations.
However, we've gotten other reports of people who have used it satisfactorily for years. And if you like the idea of
unique ideas for lubrication, read on...
OIL BOOM IN ALASKA
I. R. from Nome, Alaska:
I love the fact that you are so up-front with the need for lubrication for Once in awhile, if we go especially long, we might need to use a bit more, but the oil seems to be thicker than
seniors during sex. For years, my husband and I tried several different
things. We found the commercial lubes didn't always work as advertised
(he has an above average size, so it takes some doing to get inside me),
and some of them caused irritation if he went very long (which I love him
to do, but not if it starts hurting from the friction when he really gets
going). I heard about using pure, organic coconut oil. I had used it lots of
time for cooking, but for sex? I actually tried it on myself first one day
when he was away at work. It smelled great and felt even greater. I
mentioned the idea to him when he got home, and he thought it was kind
of strange, but willing to try it. Since coconut oil is solid at room
temperature, you have to either run hot water over the jar, or spoon out
some and rub it in the palms of your hands. It turns to liquid quickly. We've
found that it has real staying power. We also like the liquid versions, too.
other lubricants that are water-, gel- or silicone-based. The best part, in addition to the obvious, is that coconut oil
isn't sticky or messy afterward. It's all natural, so it seems to absorb well. Both my hubby and I love the stuff!
Jeoffrey and Renée:
As with the Corn Huskers, we've gotten reports of people who have used coconut oil and enjoy the results. We've
also heard from people who swear how coconut oil seems to help with yeast infections...in fact, we just received a
letter from a 63 year old man who said that his 61 year old wife had not had a single occurrence of yeast infection
since they started using this for a personal lubricant. You won't likely see "sexual joy juice" listed anywhere on
Corn Huskers or coconut oil as either product's recommended usages, so use at your discretion. If you do use the
oil, you will want to be sure to select organic coconut oil. Also, be aware that latex condoms can degrade with oils,
so if you wear "weenie beenies" (which we highly recommend for anyone, regardless of age, unless you are in a
monogamous relationship with a STD-free partner) you may want to select ones made from polyurethane, which
are also thinner than latex condoms and can increase sensitivity (brand names include Trojan Supra Ultra-thin
Polyurethane [USA], Okamoto 0.02 EX Polyurethane [Asia], Sagami Original 0.02 Ultra-thin [Japan], Durex Deluxe
[UK]) and Zazoo [Belgium]. Click here for more about seniors and condom use.
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|My Question...Seasoned Answers
| MORE ON LUBRICATION
T.R. from Clemson, South Carolina:
First, congratulations on the National Mature Media Award for your book, Seasoned Romance, Part 2. My wife
and I have read and re-read both Part 1 and Part 2, and can't wait for Part 3. I always thought we had a good love
life, even after 40 years of marriage. It's cranked up our sex life many notches. I can't even begin to express our
gratitude for your honesty in dealing so tenderly and intimately with each story in the books.
So here is my question. Actually it's more like sharing something we haven't read anywhere else, not even on
your website or books.
We've read with great interest about the many options with lubrication, and we started to use coconut oil
several years ago after reading it on FirePointe.com, especially since several people talked about how good it
was to deter yeast infections.
We tried it and liked it a lot. Actually, we usually use a combination of liquid coconut oil with a couple of other
lubricants, and we've been able to come up with something that seems to work very well for both of us.
One of the problems we ran into with the coconut oil was trying to get enough of it deep inside my wife's vagina
without creating a mess on the sheets. Finally I came up with something that really works well, at least it does
for us. I bought a cheap ($1) turkey baster at a discount store. The next time we had intercourse, I used
approximately a half-ounce of coconut oil, carefully inserted it as deeply as she felt comfortable with it, then
slowly squeezed the oil inside her. It worked wonders and felt awesome for both of us.
We never use the cheap basters more than once, and we also use other lubricants sparingly on her vagina
entrance and my penis, but I can tell you that it works well for the deep strokes. Who would have thought it?
Okay, my question: Have you ever heard of using a turkey baster to insert lubricant inside a woman's vagina
Jeoffrey and Renée:
We have actually heard this and similar methods used in different parts of the world, especially if the penis is
larger than average and/or a couple desires to have more lubrication deeply inside.
In fact, the term "turkey basting" has been used for many years among both heterosexuals and
homosexuals, though generally not in the same way you have described. Google it or simply use
We've checked with several health-care professionals, and some have even reported trying
your method with excellent results.
Their main concerns, as you mentioned, is to use the cheap basters only once to
avoid any contamination of the coconut oil during the next application, and also, as
you mentioned, to be very careful as you insert the baster. It's probably best to ask
your wife to guide the baster inside to make sure that it doesn't go too deep.
Kudos on finding something that works well for you and your wife.
While we can't legally endorse this method of lubrication, and we
strongly recommend that anyone else check with a trusted medical
professional before trying it, we are passing your note along as
information that might be useful to others.
Meanwhile we can't help but wonder what the cash register person thinks as you check out from time to time
with another stack of dollar turkey basters and a big smile on your face
MORE ON THE TURKEY BASTER
J. H. from Newport Beach, California:
When we read the note written by T. R. from Clemson, South Carolina, my spouse and I glanced
at each other and said, "Why not?" We've tried lots of different kinds of lubrication since we've
gotten older (both of us are 74), and the problem of getting enough lubrication deep enough
has been a problem. Getting enough on the labia to make a grand entrance isn't the problem,
and putting enough on my head and shaft without making it too slippery is sometimes a
guessing game. However, using the turkey baster allows us to measure what works best
(between 1/4 and 1/2 oz.). The improved feeling and the ease of going deeper is much like our
younger days when my wife produced a lot of lubrication during foreplay. Several times in
recent weeks, my wife has even experienced one or more vaginal orgasms because of the
depth and increased sensitivity, and that hasn't happened for a decade or so. Who would have
thought that something so simple could make such a difference? Thanks, J.H., for the awesome
tip, and thanks to you, Jeoffrey and Renée, for your willingness to pass along information like
this to older guys and gals who have few other reliable resources on issues relating to senior
romance and lovemaking.
Jeoffrey and Renée:
We've had a deluge of positive responses to the turkey basting and coconut oil idea. While we
can't endorce this method of lubrication, it's obvious from the emails and notes that this seems
to be working for a growing number of seniors. Help is where you find it, and we're happy to
pass along ideas that make senior romance better!
Jeoffrey and Renée:
By the way, there is an excellent book on coconut oil making the grand
crossover from the kitchen to the bedroom. Brynley King, in her book, Going
Coconuts, is a self-described 24-year-old nutter from the Gold Coast, Australia,
is also the Creative Director of her parents’ international coconut oil company,
Banaban Virgin Coconut Oil. She lists many uses for coconut oil, including as a
moisturizer, hair treatment (including dandruff relief), toothpaste, makeup
remover, after-sun lotion, exfoliator (mixing with coffee, sugar or salt) and more.
And all this time you thought it was just used only for cooking (Us, too!).
In addition, she offers several remarkable reasons how this product can spice
things up romantically in your bedroom. Sex-related uses for coconut oil include:
- It's a great natural, effective and inexpensive personal lubricant.
- Many "coco-nutters" say that it Increases libido and sexual drive through
- As a massage oil during foreplay, it creates added intimacy and stress
relief. As an added benefit, coconut oil doesn't stain sheets.
- Many women swear by it as a means to avoid yeast disease, pointing to
the powerful antifungal, antiviral and antimicrobial properties in the oil.
For your convenience, we've included a link to King's book. Click here...