GOOD GRACIOUS, GRANDMA!
E. D. from Wichita, Kansas:
I read your book, Seasoned Romance, and have one major question. Why does there have to be such an emphasis
on oral sex? Good gracious! I am a 71 year old grandma and great-grandma, and have never had it done to me or
done it to a man. I've from a Native American background, and I don't think I've ever heard of it being part of our
culture, but I could be wrong, since my family was pretty closed mouth about the whole process. My first husband
never asked or offered oral sex, and we were pretty good in the sack. He passed away five years ago, and I've
only dated one man since then. We recently got married, and he has asked me several times to do it orally, both
him to me and me to him, and even at the same time...what he calls 69ing. Actually, he's the one who got me to
read your book. So why is oral sex such a big deal? And why would a seasoned senior, as you call them, be so
interested in doing it that way when the old fashioned way seems to work just fine? By the way, up to now I've told
him I wasn't sure, but after reading your book and seeing all the pleasure both men and women seem to get out of
it, I'm at least wiling to get more information about it before deciding for or against it. That's why I'm writing to you.
We get this question often, more often from senior women than men, and it's certainly a topic that comes up more
often than you can imagine among men and women over 50.
First of all, you should never be pushed into doing anything you simply don't want to do, especially if you feel it is
distasteful or against your beliefs. However, since your new husband seems to want to experiment orally, and
since you are open to get more information, let me give you five quick reasons why you might want to try it,
especially as a senior.
First, senior sex in any form is wonderful, and many say it is actually more fulfilling as you get older. However, the
arousal process may change as you mature. Both men and women may require more pleasuring than the old
"Wham! Bam! Thank you ma'am!" days. As a man ages, for example, he is sometimes slower to get an erection, and
many times, even at the height of passion, the erection isn't as rigid or dependable as when he was 18, 38 or even
48. Some women become judgemental, to their discredit, and the relationship often suffers as a result. Other
women, the smartest ones (and usually the most satisfied sexually), decide to take matters into their own hands
(and mouth), and the results may be much more rewarding that you can imagine, not just for your long-term
relationship, but also for the short-term fireworks!
Second, you can get and give pleasure orally in ways you never could through vaginal intercourse (not that you
can't do both!). Taking your time to tantalize and treat with your lips, your tongue, and your mouth, without
worrying about him being erect or not, brings such a delightful freedom from the pressure to perform and/or get it
over with as soon as possible. There are so many things that you both of you can do orally, especially as the man
moves from soft to hard and points in-between, as long as neither of you gets in a rush.
Third, as you get older and experience bodily challenges (aching knees, bad backs, arthritic shoulders, etc.), oral
sex often becomes more viable than vaginal intercourse, on some occasions at least. Choosing to ignore the oral
options for foreplay and sex tends to reduce your options for sexual fulfillment (and often becomes the reason to
quit trying to have sex altogether). Who needs that?
Fourth, many women that we have interviewed through the years have
actually expressed surprise at how good it feels when a man climaxes
during oral sex, saying that the taste and good feelings are a far cry from
what they would have ever imagined. And since one of the fears women
sometimes express about oral sex comes from wondering if she will gag
on the semen, it is important to note that since most older men tend to
ejaculate less than in their younger days, that worry is nil, whether you
choose to swallow or discreetly use a tissue after helping him feel like
Fifth, many females enjoy receiving oral sex because it allows them to
focus on their own feelings of pleasure and passion, which many women
of our generation tended to ignore in the past. His tongue can do things
and touch areas that intercourse does not allow. Enjoy! And don't hesitate
to tell him what feels good to you. Deep breaths and sultry murmurs at the
right moment go a long way in making him feel like Superman with a
tongue of steel and no kryptonite in sight!
Is oral sex for you? That's something that only you and your partner can
answer. But don't ignore the fact that there are many good reasons to try.
If you are like many seasoned seniors, you may discover that what you
thought would be unpleasant or strange actually becomes both exotic and
A good friend of ours, not only a noted sex therapist, joker and romantic, but also a sailor for most of his life, says
this about oral sex for seniors: "When the wind won’t always fill your sails and they even hang limp on the mast, as
happens even to the best of us, then it's time for you and your first matey to fire up the auxiliary engine with your
mouth and tongue!" Well put!
We have interviewed many older men and women who consider oral sex the perfect outlet for seniors. One
couple, now in their 90s, told us that it is one of the main reasons why they have lived to such a ripe age. "There's
no pressure, no expectations, no worries," the man said with a smile. "If you go all the way or not, it's great. If we
decide to try intercourse at some point, that's great. If we do it orally, that's great. If we do mutual or side-by-side
self pleasuring, that's great, too. Sometimes we go back and forth, from one thing to the other. I can tell you that it
puts a spring in my step, even after all years, just knowing that it's always available, in one form or another, and
that she still likes to do it with this lucky old man."
There are many other reasons why you might want to explore oral sex (more suggestions why, anyone?), but the
main thing to remember is to bathe or shower thoroughly beforehand. On that nearly every one of our readers,
male and female, seem to agree!
HYGIENE AND BETTER SEX?It hasn't happened yet with oral sex, but has happened at times in the past with intercourse. It's never been a
l. L. from Regina, Saskatchewan. :
My husband, since reading your book, loves oral sex. He
enjoys giving it and he loves receiving it. I've grown to
like it, too, but I have a question that would embarrass
the heck out of me if I was asking in personl
Both he and I are usually careful about having sex,
especially doing each other orally, unless we've taken a
bath or shower.
What do I say if he wants to do it spontaneously,
especially like in the morning, when we haven't cleaned
problem before, but I'm a little more sensitive about it with doing it orally.
What do your sex therapists say? Is this a problem, or is it simply something that I shouldn't worry about until it
Jeoffrey and Renée:
This is as personal and individual as so many other preferences concerning every aspect of sex.
In our research, a majority of men and women prefer cleanliness, especially when oral sex is involved.
We've yet to hear anyone complain that a partner was too clean and good smelling, though we have interviewed a
number of both men and women, though in the minority, who enjoy a variety of bodily tastes and aromas, including
the results of sexual activity from the night before.
If in doubt, the sex experts say, go take a bath or shower. Better yet, take one together and make it a luxurious
part of foreplay.
One suggestion: Avoid heavily scented soap or shampoo.
A ROSE BY ANY OTHER NAME...ORAL SEX TERMS
E. J. from Cheyenne, Wyoming:
I read your book, Seasoned Romance, and have several questions? My husband and I have experimented with oral
sex since reading the book. I grew up in an era when people didn't talk about such things, so I'm just not familiar
with some of the terms, especially fellatio and cunnilingus? Also, when people use the term 69 when talking about
oral sex, what does that mean?
Jeoffrey and Renée:
We get this question more often than you would think. Some cite the fact that typing in these terms on Google can
open up lots of interesting sites, especially when browsing on a public computer or on wi-fi in a coffeeshop or
airport. So, here goes...
FELLATIO (to view images illustrating this, click here):
The Latin word for this term simply means to suck, which is certainly one aspect of fellatio. Colloquially,
it is also sometimes called a blowjob, BJ, giving head or sucking off. Simply put, it means oral
stimulation of the penis using the mouth, lips, tongue or throat. Many males enjoy this as foreplay
before sexual intercourse, or it may also be performed until orgasm and ejaculation of semen. Some
cannot perform fellatio because of the gag reflex.
Fellatio has been increasingly recognized as a viable alternative to intercourse for older lovers,
especially when physical difficulties make intercourse possible. also sometimes practiced when
sexual intercourse would create a physical difficulty for a sex partner.
Also, most men require stroking of the penis along with fellatio in order to reach a
Of course, regardless of age or background, personal hygiene is important for Also, be aware that many who enjoy receiving oral sex are increasingly choosing to groom (trimming and/or
any type of oral sex. Cleanliness is crucial.
shaving) the penis and pubic area. Many men are even going smooth, shaving that area completely. This is
especially true of younger men, but a growing number of older men are deciding to join the groomers, trimmers
and smoothies. Certainly a large number of women enjoy the extra effort, citing the pleasure of going down on a
man without getting a mouthful of hair. It's something to discuss, at least.
CUNNILINGUS (to view images illustrating this, click here):
There are numerous names and slang terms used for this form of oral sex performed on a female, including
"muffin diving," "muff diving," "eating her out," "drinking from the velvet cup, "giving lip service," "tongue-
lashing" and "giving lip." The term actually comes from Latin words cunnus (the vulva) and lingua (tongue).
Essentially, cunnilingus involves the use of the mouth, lips, tongue and even cheeks or nose to stimulate the
female's clitoris, vulva and/or vagina.
The clitoris is the most sexually sensitive erogenous zone for A seasoned lover in the art of cunnilingus learns to gently separate the vagina lips to allow easy contact with the
most women, so stimulation in this area often produces the
most effective erotic sensations and sexual excitement, but all
the areas surrounding the clitoris and vagina can become
highly aroused through oral sex.
As with fellatio for a male, cunnilingus may be an important part
of foreplay during sexual arousal for a woman, or it may also
result in one or more orgasms.
clitoris, then to learn what works best in terms of pressure and speed of movement on the clitoris. Generally, it is
best to begin slower and more gently on the labia and entire genital area. The tongue can also be inserted into
the vagina, either flickering or stiffened. Using the tip, underside or blade of the tongue can also be very
The woman receiving cunnilingus ideally lets her lover know what feels good either through words or sounds.
Oral sex on a woman can also be accompanied by digital vaginal penetration with a lubricated finger or sex toy.
Some women report the most intense orgasms with a "buzz-saw" (a combination of vibrator and tongue
simultaneously touching the clitoris).
As with performing fellatio on a man, cunnilingus should involve excellent personal hygiene. Cleanliness is very
important. Also, many women like to trim or remove pubic hair, believing it enhances oral sex.
SIMULTANEOUS FELLATIO AND CUNNILINGUS (to view images illustrating this, click here):
Just as there are numerous sexual positions for intercourse, certain positions are often preferred for oral sex.
Basically any position (lying, sitting, standing, kneeling, on all fours, spread-eagled) that gives a sex partner
access to a lover's genital area is suitable.
Sixty-nine, also known by the French name soixante-neuf, is a variety of sex positions in which two people align
themselves so that each person's mouth is near the other's genitals, simultaneously performing oral sex.
Since the lovers often form the numerals 6 and 9, the name is fairly self
Simultaneous fellatio and cunnilingus can be performed with
one partner on top and one on the bottom, or with both
partners on their sides, which is usually a much more relaxed
position, especially for more mature lovers.
This form of oral sex may not be for everyone, especially for partners who are disproportionate in height, but true
69 aficionados cite the very special experience of mutual oral sexual stimulation in glowing terms.
Whatever position you enjoy, keep in mind the famous quote by Barbara Bush, wife of the 41st President of the
United States, who was asked about President Clinton's inability to remember much about what happened with
Monica Lewinsky in the White House Oval Office. George H. W. Bush's wife quipped, "Clinton lied. A man might
forget where he parks or where he lives, but he never forgets oral sex, no matter how bad it is.”
A lot of women would agree, as well!
TO SWALLOW OR NOT TO SWALLOW
D. I. from Paris, France:
My husband of nearly 50 years and I had never tried oral sex until we read your book, Seasoned Romance. We've
both enjoyed doing it that way sometimes immensely since then, especially since he has two bum knees and my
back sometimes causes me pain when we get too crazy during intercourse. We can relax during 69 and let nature
take it's very nice course. Anyway, I have a rather personal question that I wouldn't dare ask anyone that I know.
When I perform fellatio on him, and especially when we do the 69 that you talk about, he sometimes ejaculates with
remarkable force, even though I understand that semen production declines with age. I like it, and it's certainly
not distasteful to me (actually it's pretty exciting when it happens, often pushing me over the top), but is it okay to
ingest. It's not harmful to me, is it, health-wise? I hope it is okay, since I like doing it, and he really seems to get off
when I do. I also find the taste very appealing. Has anyone else ever asked you this question?
Jeoffrey and Renée:
You might be surprised at how often we get this question, in one form or another.
In her book, Men in Love - Men's Sexual Fantasies: The Triumph of Love over Rage, Nancy Friday
claims that swallowing semen is very high on a man's intimacy scale.
We can't remember interviewing any man of any age or culture who doesn't enjoy that supreme
moment when he ejaculates into a woman's mouth. Why? Who knows? There are probably as
many reasons for this as there are men.
The same cannot be said for women, and those whom we have interviewed in the past usually
say something similar to one of these four categories:
1 Yuck! I would never, ever do that!Obviously, D. I., you fall squarely in Category Four. Your husband of a half-century must be a happy man, and many
2. I've tried it before, and I don't like it. (This comment usually includes the word "Gag!").
3. He likes it. I know it gives him lot of pleasure, so I keep doing it.
4. I absolutely love it. I love the taste when he goes off in my mouth, and it is a real turn on!
men would be green with envy if they knew what the two of you are experiencing as lovers, oral and otherwise.
Now, as to your main question. There are no set rules, and certainly no wrong or right method of swallowing or not
swallowing. If you like it, there are many ways to swallow...doing it discretely, licking your lips sensually, showing
the ejaculate inside your mouth before swallowing, making smacking noises...whatever turns you and him on.
If you decide not to swallow, there's certainly no reason why you can't keep a tissue handy. Even that method can
be seen as romantic to the man if you make murmuring noises of pleasure that are genuine and loving.
Also, bear in mind that giving oral sex and receiving your partner's ejaculate in your mouth doesn't have to come
as a package deal for any lover who finds it distasteful. Withdrawal, the old birth control standby, still works well,
though it requires a bit more choreography to pull out prior to climax, hopefully using a few tissues and/or the
man notifying his lover in which direction he's aiming.
CONCERN ABOUT ORAL SEX
J. A. from City and Country Withheld by Request:
I'm 91, and I absolutely love giving and receiving oral sex. My young wife of 73, to whom I've been married for five
years, is not quite so sure. She goes along with it and gives me incredible blow jobs, but she doesn't seem to like
it as much when I perform cunnilingus on her. I've asked her about it, and she occasionally mentions about
"things" that can be spread through oral sex. I've done some research, but haven't been able to find anything that
points to how bad oral sex can be, especially when I do her with my tongue. Ideas?
Jeoffrey and Renée:
Unprotected sex of any kind, carries a number of risks unless you are in a monogamous relationship and both you
and your partner are absolutely, positively disease-free.
Chlamydia, human papillomavirus (HPV), gonorrhea, herpes, hepatitis (multiple strains), and other sexually
transmitted infections (STIs) and sexually transmitted diseases (STDs) — including HIV — can be transmitted
through both vaginal, oral or anal sex.
HPV, for example, is a virus that's commonly transmitted through sexual contact, genital or oral. There are more
than 40 types of HPVs, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention, and approximately 79 million
Americans are currently infected. Most people have no symptoms.
The documented risk of HIV transmission through cunnilingus is
considered to be extremely small, far lower than that associated with
fellatio, vaginal or anal sex.
That said, if you or your wife have any question about whether you might
be transmitting a disease through sex, oral or otherwise, it's best to be
tested and examined by a competent physician.
Beyond those tests (since some are not always conclusive), you can also
use a condom (for you) and/or a latex dental dam (for her). There are
flavored condoms if she doesn't like the taste of non-flavored ones, and
there are edible lubricants, as well.
One way or the other, hopefully this issue can be put to rest and you can
get back to "giving and receiving oral sex" that you so obviously enjoy
Let's repeat your age...91! Wow! Men around the world are undoubtedly
standing up and saluting you, even as they read this! Congratulations...
if one existed, we would nominate you for the Seasoned Romance Hall of Fame!
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FirePointe, DeLeeuw, Jeoffrey and Renee Powell, Jeoffrey Powell, Renee Powell, Seasoned Romance,
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|My Question...Seasoned Answers
| HOW PREVALENT IS ORAL SEX AMONG SENIORS?
E. S. from Delhi, India:
I'm a 61 year old female who would die if anyone, especially my husband, knew I was writing to you with this
question. I've finished both of your Seasoned Romance books, and I'm very excited about trying some of the
things in the different stories.
You would think growing up in my nation known for the very sexual book, The Kama Sutra, famous everywhere
around the world, that our culture would be more open about such things.
Maybe it is for others, but it wasn't that way for me. Ours was an arranged marriage. I was only 15, quite shy and a
virgin. My husband was nearly 15 years older than me. I thought it would be revolting to be with a man who was
already 30, which seemed very old to me then, but after the first couple of times when I was trying to get used to
him going inside me, I learned to respect and enjoy him as my husband, lover and eventually the father of our
We have enjoyed 45 years of marriage and have a wonderful family. We still have an active love life.
Here is my question: my husband still enjoys a variety of sexual positions, as do I.
However, he had never once mentioned or initiated oral sex. Neither have I.
I think I would like to try it, especially after reading other responses on FirePointe.
com, but I'm not sure if I could ever initiate it. We don't really talk about sex that
much. Frankly, I don't know if any of my women friends have ever done it orally,
either, since we really don't talk about things like that.
I guess what I'm saying is how prevalent is oral sex today? Do people our age really
do it? Is it more of a Western idea, or is it practiced globally?
And how do you suggest that I broach the subject with this very special 75-year-old man of my desire to
experience oral sex with him, both giving and receiving?
Jeoffrey and Renée:
First, thank you for your very interesting story. You grew up in a culture of arranged marriages that is still quite
widespread in many places around the globe. We are happy that it turned out well for you and your husband. You
sound like a wonderful couple.
Concerning oral sex, only during recent decades has it become more prevalent. Or perhaps it is simply more
accepted and open.
Our research (and numerous other studies) show that today a majority of sexually-active people enjoy oral sex.
The United Kingdom National Survey on Sexual Attitudes and Lifestyles is one such study. Their findings reveal
the percentages of people who say that they have participated in oral sex. The results:
- 71 percent of 16 to 24 year olds
- 80 percent of 25 to 34 year olds
- 78 percent of 35 to 44 year olds
- 67 percent of 45 to 54 year olds
- 52 percent of males and 35 per cent of females 55 to 64 year olds
- 30 percent of males and 19 percent of females 65-plus.
In the United States, the well-respected Center for Disease Control and Prevention have shown very similar
results. Our research in a variety of other countries reflects similar numbers.
As for the culture of India, there are several interesting articles that have been Or, if you feel comfortable doing it, ask if he would like to take a bath or shower with you. This may open up a
written, including this in the Times of India. These articles discuss some of the
taboos and misconceptions about sex, oral and otherwise, especially in relation
to the women of your country.
We have interviewed a number of men and women from your country, many
who now live in other regions of the world, and it is apparent that more and
more men from India are becoming much more accepting that (1) women can
enjoy sex and (2) enjoyment can include oral sex.
In the meantime, perhaps one way to broach the subject is to casually leave a
copy lying around of Seasoned Romance, Book 1 or 2. That might lead to a
discussion. You wouldn't believe how many letters and emails we've received
of both men and women around the globe who have used this to their
advantage and mutual enjoyment.
dialogue on a variety of things you would like to try.
The most direct way, of course, is to look for the proper moment, perhaps during foreplay, to share from your
heart how you would like to try orally. He seems to be an understanding and tender lover, from your description,
so he may be very enthusiastic about trying something new. If not, nothing ventured, nothing gained.
We wish you the best of times and much seasoned romance!
ORAL SEX FOR SEASONED SENIORS?
Name Withheld from Columbus, Georgia:
I've read your books and have ventured with my wife (we're both 74 years old) into oral sex, something we've
never done before.
We enjoy it and can't help but wonder why we've never heard much about it discussed in books or television
Is it really that common among people our age?
Jeoffrey and Renée:
According to a study published recently in the prestigious New England Journal of Medicine, it is! And it's becoming
more common with each passing years
Of over 3,000 people between the ages of 57 and 85, of those who reported being sexually active, more than half
of those between 57 and 75 reported that they participated (gave, received, or both) oral sex. That number
dropped to one-third among those 75 to 85 years of age.
The operative phrase is "sexually active," which often depends upon a healthy lifestyle, a great attitude and a
willing partner...all championed in FirePointe.com, our Seasoned Romance book series and our "Seasoned
Romance" eColumn on MyBestYears.com.