Advanced Cunnilingus Techniques
by Cory Silverberg
If you’ve got the basics of performing cunnilingus down, and are looking for
some advanced tips check out the techniques below. Keep in mind that
technique alone is never enough. All the right moves without heat or heart can
still come off feeling cold.
Don't Forget Your ABCs
This is a trick that gets mentioned a lot. The idea is that you use your tongue to "spell" out the
alphabet, starting with A and ending with Z, on your partner's vulva and clitoris. It has its
drawbacks, especially if you're so focused on keeping track of what letter you're on that you
stop enjoying yourself or paying attention to anything else. But it is a great technique to get
your tongue moving in new ways. And in the process, you and your partner may find a letter or
two that stand out and call to be repeated.
Look Her in the Eye
Don't stare her down, but making eye contact (at least if your partner is sighted) can be a
powerful way to stay connected while you're going down on her. Some people won't like any
eye contact but for others it can be a huge turn on to see the pleasure on your partners face
and for them to see you enjoying giving them pleasure. Depending on the physical positioning
and the energy between you and your partner eye contact may also play into a
dominant/submissive role play that is either explicit or implicit.
Let Her Move Around You
If your partner isn't comfortable giving you a lot of verbal instruction she may move her body so
your tongue is on the right spot. Pay attention to how your partner is moving and don’t assume
its random writhing (although it may be that too). If you think your partner is hesitant to offer
instruction, you can also prep them before by saying, "I'd like you to tell me what works and
doesn't, or show me if you don’t want to say it."
The Many Sides of Your Tongue
Your tongue is an amazing thing and not just because of the way it can move. There are
dozens of different feelings you can create by using different parts of your tongue. Notice how
your partner responds to the flat part of your tongue, to the sides of your tongue, to the tip of
your tongue. Also notice how you can change the way the tip feels by extending it and making
it firmer. There's no one tongue part or move, the trick is to try a lot of different things and find
what works for her.
Don't make the mistake of thinking that cunnilingus is only about the tongue. You can use other
parts of your body to stimulate your partner's genitals as well. Your nose, your cheeks and your
chin all create different sensations and pressures when brushed against or rhythmically
rubbing along the vulva and clitoris. Some people get really turned on by knowing that their
partner is fully engaged in what they’re doing. Using your whole face demonstrates that kind of
This is one of those "definitely not for everyone" techniques, but some people really love the
feeling of their partner's tongue penetrating them. Obviously even with the longest tongue,
tongue penetration only goes so deep. But for some folks, it's a technique that at the right
moment and for a limited time period, feels intense and wonderful. As always, every person is
different. But many women say a fast in-out motion isn't as good as a slow undulating and
unfolding kind of penetration.
Humming and Moaning
If you're performing oral sex on a woman, the noises you make can also add to the experience.
If you’re feeling turned on, moaning lets your partner know and they may be able to relax even
more into the experience knowing your right there with them and not just doing something out
of obligation. But beyond that, when you moan, or even hum a tune, the vibrations on your lips
and your out breath creates a sensation that can be felt by your partner. Whistling isn't
recommended, but you can experiment with different pitches of moaning and notice how a
long, low, guttural moan feels different than faster, higher pitched noises.
Sucking vs Licking
You can create lots of sensations when you bring your tongue, lips, and entire mouth into the
equation. After you've got your partner warmed up, playing with suction can be another way to
intensify the experience. You can take labia or even the clitoris into your mouth and gently
create a sucking sensation. Some people will like a powerful sucking and others may just want
a hint of it. With a part of your partner in your mouth, you can add sensation by moving your
tongue inside your mouth.
Ice cubes are a fun way to play with temperature during cunnilingus. Be aware that if you hold
an ice cube on any part of the body for a while, it will create a temporary numbness. So if the
goal is to increase sensation and sensitivity, you want to keep the ice moving. Having a glass
with some ice cubes nearby but out of sight, and then slipping one in your mouth at some point
to use during oral sex can be surprising and exciting (just be careful about how you introduce
it, you want them surprised and aroused, not surprised and turned off). If you can do it
comfortably, try having an ice cube in your mouth and alternating between having it touch your
partner while you’re using your mouth and then hiding it in your cheek.
Adding Sex Toys
Adding sex toys to oral sex is one of the fastest ways to take it to the next level. There are toys
designed for use during oral sex that are worn on the tongue. These have many problems, but
some people seem to make them work. For something more versatile, have a small vibrator for
external stimulation that you can move around while giving oral sex, or a dildo that you can use
for penetration are both popular additions that many women enjoy.
Exploit the Power Dynamic
There's an exchange of power in every sexual interaction. And in most hot sex there is
vulnerability (physical, emotional, spiritual). Arguably the power dynamics are heightened
during cunnilingus, where one partner is so much serving the other. This can be something to
exploit (as long as you're both on board and its consensual exploitation). Whether that means
adding dirty talk or exploring sexual fantasy role play or simply playing out a fantasy in your
mind, the physical positioning alone of going down on someone can be rich fodder for exploring
the sexual power of power.
Reprinted with permission